I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
