I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
