He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
