I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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