Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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