fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
