i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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