I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
