the day after is always just damage control
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
