I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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