I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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