My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
