11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
wat bout pragnant strippers??
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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