Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
