Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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