you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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