quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
