It's Friday. Sex?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
