so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
