please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
