they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
