one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
