just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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