I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
