Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
