even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
