I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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