If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you win again, gameday.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
