mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
