Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
then he tried to convert me to islam
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
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