can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
