is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
