She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
