I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
