i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
