i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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