there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
honey bunches of taint.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
