Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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