Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I have grass duct taped all over my body
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
