I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So vagazzling was a success
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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