we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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