Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
