so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
