She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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