I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
