I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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