One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
