He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
