Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
