just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
That reminds me...we need to get swords
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
