The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
