how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
